Today, on my way back home from Cape Town, I was sitting at a red traffic light when a young guy on a smaller, bright blue, noisy motorbike (I would say possibly a 250cc) pulled up next to me.
If I had to guess, he must have been somewhere between 18 and perhaps 21 years of age.
The second that light turned green, he shot off like he was auditioning for the next Fast & Furious movie (the Motorbike Edition) – first trying to pop a wheelie, then swerving around in his lane, then letting go of the handlebars, and for the grand finale, he stood up while still moving – still no hands on the handlebars.
All of this before the next red light.
I sat there thinking, What on earth is going through his mind?
And then I remembered: it’s not so much what’s going through his mind as what hasn’t fully developed yet.
Because here’s the thing: our brains don’t finish developing at 18 when we magically become “adults.”
The part of the brain responsible for judgement, impulse control, and long-term planning – the prefrontal cortex – isn’t fully “online” until around age 25.
The CEO Who Shows Up Late
Imagine a company where all the interns are running the show.
Phones are ringing, emails are flying, and someone is spinning wildly in the office chair in the break room.
Total chaos.
Now picture this: the actual CEO — calm, strategic, and sensible — strolls into the office seven years late.
By the time they arrive, there’s been a trail of questionable decisions, risky stunts, and a whole lot of mess to clean up.
That’s basically how the teenage and young adult brain works.
The prefrontal cortex is the CEO of the brain, but while it’s still under construction, the limbic system (the emotional, thrill-seeking part) takes charge.
This is why teens and young adults often seem to operate with “all gas, no brakes.” 🏍️
Risk-Taking Isn’t the Enemy
For thousands of years, risk-taking wasn’t just a phase. It was a survival skill, especially for young men.
Historically, they were the hunters, explorers, and warriors, the ones who had to venture into the unknown, take bold risks, and protect their communities.
Thankfully, most of us today don’t have to fight wild animals or go to war.
But that biological wiring is still there.
So, instead of charging into battle, young men might channel that energy into modern-day risks, such as fast cars, extreme sports, reckless dares, or even just testing boundaries at home and school.
Risk-taking itself isn’t bad.
It’s what drives innovation, exploration, and courage.
The key is helping our teens and young adults direct that drive toward healthy, life-giving risks instead of destructive ones.
Why I’m (Secretly) Grateful to Be a Girl Mom
Raising two daughters has been a journey filled with unique challenges. Let me tell you, it’s not always a walk in the park.
Parenting daughters comes with its own set of challenges, particularly emotional ones. There are days when I just feel like a deflated balloon.
But in moments like this, sitting at a traffic light, watching a young man perform what looked like a stunt reel for YouTube or preparing for a race at the next MotoGP Championships, I can’t help but feel a little grateful that I’m a girl mom. The thought of navigating the world of teenage boys, with all its challenges, is a relief that I’m sure many of you (boy moms) can understand. 😅
Girls tend to express their risk-taking differently.
For them, it’s often relational or emotional. The drama, the big feelings, the friendships that can turn stormy in an instant. Oh, and don’t get me started on the silent treatment or the Olympic-level eye-rolls.
It’s exhausting, yes, but usually less physically dangerous than daredevil stunts on two wheels.
That said, I see how boys today face unique pressures.
With fewer “healthy outlets” like “rites of passage” or meaningful challenges, their energy can easily spill into destructive choices.
It makes me want to cheer on every boy mom out there, because their role is so vital and so challenging. I always say, moms with boys have an enormous responsibility. They’re shaping the future husbands, fathers, leaders, providers, and protectors of the world. It’s a role that requires patience, guidance, and a lot of grace, and it’s every bit as vital as it is tough. Psalm 127:3-5 reminds us that “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” Truly, raising children is both a blessing and a responsibility.
I have to give a shout-out to my sister and her husband, who are raising two boys into true young gentlemen. Every time I visit them, I’m never allowed to carry anything, and when I leave, I’m not even allowed to open my own car door. Chivalry in action!
Why This Matters for Parents (and Anyone Who Loves a Young Person)
Understanding that your teen or young adult’s brain is still developing changes the way you see their choices.
That wild stunt on a motorcycle?
That impulsive decision to quit a job or dye their hair neon green?
It’s not necessarily rebellion; it’s science.
This doesn’t mean we let them off the hook entirely.
Boundaries are still essential.
However, it does mean we approach them with grace, patience, and a great deal of prayer.
Two scriptures come to mind when I think about parenting during these turbulent years:
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
And this comforting promise:
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14
Our job as parents isn’t to control every decision but to guide them, speak truth into their lives, and trust that even when their “CEO” is late to the office, the seeds we plant today will grow over time.
A Personal Confession
I need to say this: I am everything but perfect.
I’ll be the first to admit it when I’ve made a mistake or made a bad call, and believe me, I still make plenty of questionable decisions, even as a fully grown adult.
(Don’t ask me about my sudden urge to get a motorcycle license — yes, I got my learner’s license for the second time in my life! First time at 19, and now at 50. Midlife crisis, anyone?🤭)
I don’t write these posts because I have all the answers.
I write them because I’m curious, because I read a lot, and because I want to start conversations about things that I believe matter.
Like you, I’m learning as I go.
Hope for the Journey
If you’re raising teens or young adults, take a deep breath.
Their brains are still buffering, but they will get there.
In the meantime, your role is to be a steady voice, a safe place, and a source of prayer over their lives.
And one day, that late-arriving “CEO”, their fully developed prefrontal cortex, will thank you for holding space for them when they couldn’t yet see clearly.
So the next time you see a young person doing something that makes you want to scream, maybe picture those interns running wild in the office, and smile.
The CEO is on their way. 🧠
References & Further Reading
Here are some excellent resources if you’d like to read more about the teenage and young adult brain:
- Harvard Health Blog – A New View of the Teenage Brain: Adaptation is Job 1
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/a-new-view-of-the-teenage-brain-adaptation-is-job-1-201110013505 - Steinberg, L. (2010) – A Dual Systems Model of Adolescent Risk-Taking (Developmental Psychobiology, 52(3), 216–224)
https://doi.org/10.1002/dev.20445 - The Teenage Brain by Frances E. Jensen, MD – an excellent, readable book for parents.
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) – The Teen Brain: 7 Things to Know
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know
The Lounge Philosopher 